Guys, we might not agree on all things, but we can all agree that zombies can be dangerous. And in the event of a zombie apocalypse, there would be lots of zombies, which would be super dangerous and super scary. And it raises the crucial question: what would you do? These are eight places where you might want to hide during a zombie apocalypse. Let’s discuss the pros and cons.
- Joliet Correctional Center
David Wilson/Flickr Pros: Hey, I think I saw this on TV once. Yeah, abandoned prisons seem like the way to go. You can use the prison bars to your advantage and seal off beings that are harmful. The bonus with this prison is that it’s abandoned already, so you won’t have to worry about fighting both zombies and serial killers, because that wouldn’t even be fair. Unless you rehabilitated the serial killers to hunt zombies. I don’t know, I don’t trust it. The structure is panoptic (word of the day, y’all), which means that there is a watch tower in the middle that allows you to see all around the prison. So you can see from all angles what is going on.
Cons: You have to temporarily live in a prison, and there’s just bad juju here. Plus, you can be really stupid, and not secure the transport area, and then zombies will infiltrate. So first order of business: secure all entrances/exits.
- Willis Tower
Jeramey Jannene/Flickr Pros: You’re in a really tall building. Ideally, the building will be secured so that no one can get in. That means the only ways that the zombies could get you is by scaling the buildings. I think not. Also, we could put some ultra-slippery substances on the buildings making them impossible to climb. Because we are so high up, we have a great view of what’s going on in the city and even some of the surrounding states, so we can plan accordingly.
Cons: Tall buildings tend to pose a few problems. First, supplies could be tricky to get. Second, it is hard to manage everyone being on different floors and all. You would need really good communication. Also, if the elevators broke down, things would be bad. Finally, no one wants to be on the top floor of a building with nowhere to escape, if/when the zombies successfully infiltrated.
- Soldier Field
Stefan Ogrisek/Flickr Pros: We have the water on one side, which would hopefully deter some zombies. And those winds would ideally deter them, too. It doesn’t hurt to go where a bunch of big strong dudes are who will hopefully protect us. Jay Cutler can use his cannon of an arm to throw some grenades at zombies to kill them. But hopefully not accidentally hit humans instead. Another pro about Solider Field is that all of the concessions and the like would be good for supplies.
Cons: It’s a big stadium, and there are some dark spaces where we could easily be ambushed. I would worry about security. Also, zombies could climb up and over into the stadium, so it would all collapse in on us pretty quickly.
- Cave-in-Rock State Park
David Wilson/Flickr Pros: This state park offers tons of premium hiding places, bluffs, etc. Having these vantage points would definitely give you an advantage when facing zombies. We could also lure the zombies into the cave, then set dynamite to the cave. I think we could work with this. Also, we are right by the river, so fish would be ample. Unless they are zombie fish. Then that would open up an entirely different can of worms.
Cons: Because we would be in a state park, supplies would be pretty limited. Also the logistics of getting supplies on top of some of these bluffs seems pretty daunting. We want to conserve our energy for killing zombies.
- Carbondale
Mark and Allegra Jaroski/Flickr Pros: The people down in Carbondale took the prospect of a zombie attack sort of literally. The kids over at the Boys and Girls club went through a two-week long training in disaster-preparedness. They learned how to put out fires started during the zombie apocalypse, how to give CPR, what to do if they found themselves infected with a virus. These kids know what’s up. It’s definitely wise to head down to a city where people actually know what’s going on and what to do.
Cons: College kids spread colds like wildfire, so I’m not sure I’d want to be around a bunch of college kids during a zombie outbreak.
- Blarney Island
Blarney Island/Facebook Pros: An island is usually good bet for being free of zombies, because zombies don’t like water. No word on whether they can operate boats, but hopefully they don’t get smart and build a rowboat or anything like that. An island gives you a 360 degree view of what’s going on. Therefore, you’ll be better able to prevent an attack. Plus, there are tons of boats, meaning you can use them to get supplies from the mainland or escape if necessary.
Cons: Once the supplies run out, and if zombies take over the mainland, you are kind of screwed. Yes, you do have boats, so hopefully you can escape and don’t hit a logjam.
- Cairo
hickory_hardscrabble/Flickr Pros: Why would zombies head to Cairo? Exactly. Let’s all go to the places where the living don’t even go, and it’s likely we will be safe. Hardly anyone goes to the bottom of the state, so it would take a long time for the zombies to get down there, if they ever showed up. There are tons of abandoned buildings which should be good to use for camps.
Cons: Long term, this could be dicey because there just isn’t much in the way of supplies. Once they run out, things would be bad. Also, these abandoned buildings might be okay for setting up camp but open windows would be SUPER easy for zombies to crawl through and eat you.
- Navy Pier Lighthouse
Thomas Anderson/Flickr Pros: So we already established that zombies hate water. Lighthouses are surrounded by water. So there’s a good chance that zombies will be deterred from even walking over to the lighthouse. Also, lighthouses only have one entrance, so this should help you to keep from dealing with zombies coming at you from all angles.
Cons: If there is only one entrance, that means that there is only one exit. Could be pretty problematic if a ton of zombies have surrounded the joint. Hopefully you have a boat with the keys in it docked right by the lighthouse, ready to come in. Also, while you can fish from the lighthouse, supplies would be sort of scarce.
I feel like this is a solid start. Hopefully we won’t need to go to any of these places, but as the boy scouts say….”Be Prepared.”
David Wilson/Flickr
Pros: Hey, I think I saw this on TV once. Yeah, abandoned prisons seem like the way to go. You can use the prison bars to your advantage and seal off beings that are harmful. The bonus with this prison is that it’s abandoned already, so you won’t have to worry about fighting both zombies and serial killers, because that wouldn’t even be fair. Unless you rehabilitated the serial killers to hunt zombies. I don’t know, I don’t trust it. The structure is panoptic (word of the day, y’all), which means that there is a watch tower in the middle that allows you to see all around the prison. So you can see from all angles what is going on.
Cons: You have to temporarily live in a prison, and there’s just bad juju here. Plus, you can be really stupid, and not secure the transport area, and then zombies will infiltrate. So first order of business: secure all entrances/exits.
Jeramey Jannene/Flickr
Pros: You’re in a really tall building. Ideally, the building will be secured so that no one can get in. That means the only ways that the zombies could get you is by scaling the buildings. I think not. Also, we could put some ultra-slippery substances on the buildings making them impossible to climb. Because we are so high up, we have a great view of what’s going on in the city and even some of the surrounding states, so we can plan accordingly.
Cons: Tall buildings tend to pose a few problems. First, supplies could be tricky to get. Second, it is hard to manage everyone being on different floors and all. You would need really good communication. Also, if the elevators broke down, things would be bad. Finally, no one wants to be on the top floor of a building with nowhere to escape, if/when the zombies successfully infiltrated.
Stefan Ogrisek/Flickr
Pros: We have the water on one side, which would hopefully deter some zombies. And those winds would ideally deter them, too. It doesn’t hurt to go where a bunch of big strong dudes are who will hopefully protect us. Jay Cutler can use his cannon of an arm to throw some grenades at zombies to kill them. But hopefully not accidentally hit humans instead. Another pro about Solider Field is that all of the concessions and the like would be good for supplies.
Cons: It’s a big stadium, and there are some dark spaces where we could easily be ambushed. I would worry about security. Also, zombies could climb up and over into the stadium, so it would all collapse in on us pretty quickly.
Pros: This state park offers tons of premium hiding places, bluffs, etc. Having these vantage points would definitely give you an advantage when facing zombies. We could also lure the zombies into the cave, then set dynamite to the cave. I think we could work with this. Also, we are right by the river, so fish would be ample. Unless they are zombie fish. Then that would open up an entirely different can of worms.
Cons: Because we would be in a state park, supplies would be pretty limited. Also the logistics of getting supplies on top of some of these bluffs seems pretty daunting. We want to conserve our energy for killing zombies.
Mark and Allegra Jaroski/Flickr
Pros: The people down in Carbondale took the prospect of a zombie attack sort of literally. The kids over at the Boys and Girls club went through a two-week long training in disaster-preparedness. They learned how to put out fires started during the zombie apocalypse, how to give CPR, what to do if they found themselves infected with a virus. These kids know what’s up. It’s definitely wise to head down to a city where people actually know what’s going on and what to do.
Cons: College kids spread colds like wildfire, so I’m not sure I’d want to be around a bunch of college kids during a zombie outbreak.
Blarney Island/Facebook
Pros: An island is usually good bet for being free of zombies, because zombies don’t like water. No word on whether they can operate boats, but hopefully they don’t get smart and build a rowboat or anything like that. An island gives you a 360 degree view of what’s going on. Therefore, you’ll be better able to prevent an attack. Plus, there are tons of boats, meaning you can use them to get supplies from the mainland or escape if necessary.
Cons: Once the supplies run out, and if zombies take over the mainland, you are kind of screwed. Yes, you do have boats, so hopefully you can escape and don’t hit a logjam.
hickory_hardscrabble/Flickr
Pros: Why would zombies head to Cairo? Exactly. Let’s all go to the places where the living don’t even go, and it’s likely we will be safe. Hardly anyone goes to the bottom of the state, so it would take a long time for the zombies to get down there, if they ever showed up. There are tons of abandoned buildings which should be good to use for camps.
Cons: Long term, this could be dicey because there just isn’t much in the way of supplies. Once they run out, things would be bad. Also, these abandoned buildings might be okay for setting up camp but open windows would be SUPER easy for zombies to crawl through and eat you.
Thomas Anderson/Flickr
Pros: So we already established that zombies hate water. Lighthouses are surrounded by water. So there’s a good chance that zombies will be deterred from even walking over to the lighthouse. Also, lighthouses only have one entrance, so this should help you to keep from dealing with zombies coming at you from all angles.
Cons: If there is only one entrance, that means that there is only one exit. Could be pretty problematic if a ton of zombies have surrounded the joint. Hopefully you have a boat with the keys in it docked right by the lighthouse, ready to come in. Also, while you can fish from the lighthouse, supplies would be sort of scarce.
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