You probably have given at least some thought to what you would do if there was a tornado or a fire. But what if a whole bunch of zombies invaded your town? Chew on that for a minute. (Sorry, I had to.) No, but really. Where would you hide? We lay out eight possible options, along with their pros and cons.
- Apostle Islands
Wisconsin Department of Natural Resources/Flickr Pros: We don’t believe zombies can operate boats (although that point is debatable if they are Wisconsin zombies). You are on an island, which means you should be able to see from all directions where the zombies are coming from. Because it would take a while to get there, you would have plenty of time to launch an attack plan. The Apostle Islands happen to be gorgeous, so at least while you’re terrified for your life, you can really take in the scenery. There are tons of fish to eat.
Cons: Zombies can swim. It might take them a while, especially if they have to swim and then climb up the rocks, but it can be done. Don’t bet against zombies…historically, it hasn’t worked out so well. Another potential issue is supplies. You have a boat to get back to the mainland, but things will get complicated during the winter when the water freezes over.
- Lambeau Field
Rachel Kramer/Flickr Pros: We have a pretty good record at home, AMIRITE? Aaron Rodgers will lead the offense, throwing perfectly targeted grenades killing most of the zombies before they even make it to the stadium. Fortunately, zombies don’t run, so this Dom Capers run defense will live to see another season. We can go underground if we need to and run to higher ground if necessary. We also can turn off the heating system on the field in the winter, and make a zombie ice rink. These zombies, who tend to lack coordination, will be sufficiently tripped up. Finally, we have tons of supplies from concessions and the like.
Cons: The frozen tundra could backfire on us, tripping us up and making us easy prey. I also worry about some of us being able to run up the stairs away from the zombies. Hopefully we are all in good conditioning by the time of the apocalypse. It’s also a big stadium with tons of places to hide, which means the likelihood of being ambushed is heightened. Also seeing the zombie onslaught on the big screen could be pretty disturbing.
- Manitowoc Lighthouse
Patrick Kuhl/Flickr Pros: Zombies don’t like water. So you should be good on most sides, especially if you could manage to break off the path to the lighthouse somehow. You have a great aerial view of everything going down, so you could theoretically prepare better. Also, you could fish right from the comfort of your pad.
Cons: You’re in a lighthouse. If and when the zombies come to get you, you are pretty much screwed. Yes, there’s only one entrance, but that means that there is only one exit. Hopefully you have a boat ready to jump into if the zombies get you.
- U.S. Bank Building
Matt Schilders/Flickr Pros: It’s always a good idea to get on the top of a pretty tall building. Why? Zombies will have a really hard time scaling the outside of the building. We also could put substances on the outside of the building making it supremely difficult to get up. A large building like this will also provide a lot of room for people to set up camp. This building also offers a great 360 view of the city, meaning we could see for miles what is going on around us and plan better.
Cons: You’re in Milwaukee, a large-ish city, which means that people will be infected pretty quickly. So those friends you invite into the U.S. Bank building might turn around and eat you the next day. The other problem is that office buildings tend not to have tons of food. Those vending machines would probably be exhausted within the first day.
- Fort McCoy
Georgia National Guard/Flickr Pros: This one seems pretty obvious, guys. Go to a military base. Why? Because that’s where all the guns are. And also the people who can shoot the guns. We need snipers, and lots of them. This is the obvious place to go.
Cons: This is a huge area…60,000 acres to be precise. That’s a lot of ground to cover. Plus, supplies are pretty limited. We would definitely have to bring a lot of supplies in and constantly replenish. Also, there is unexploded ordinance like artillery and mortar rounds. This could get the zombies, but could backfire (literally) on us, the living.
- Havenwoods
Michael Pereckas/Flickr Pros: You’re not in the thick of the city, which means you probably didn’t get infected. Havenwoods has an interesting history, where it was once used as a prison and military site. Now there are old prison buildings, underground tunnels and a missile site that have been abandoned. This would be a great place to set up shop.
Cons: Because this place was abandoned, there are some severe security issues for preventing zombies from getting in. The first order of business would be to erect some sort of barricade. We would also worry about supplies.
- University of Wisconsin, Stevens Point
Royal Broil/Flickr Pros: You’re in Stevens Point, which is away from most of the action. The University has an underground tunnel system, which will come in handy when hiding from zombies. Also, it gets really cold in the winter up there, so hopefully they all freeze to death and we can kill them all before they defrost.
Cons: You’re in the middle of the state, which means you are not by major access points to escape or get aid. Also, these tunnels don’t all connect, which could leave you in a real pickle when faced with a gang of zombies.
- Noah’s Ark
Daniel M. Hendricks/Flickr Pros: It’s an established fact that zombies hate water. So a water park seems like the most logical place to go. Located in Wisconsin Dells, you’ll enjoy great scenery and unlimited fudge. Plus, I’m pretty sure we can all go on the rides for free with no lines. Sounds ideal. Minus the zombies.
Cons: Zombies will terrorize us as we try to enjoy the park. If something goes wrong with the water supply, the park will no longer be a deterrent. We will be walking precariously on these rides, trying to escape, and probably being unsuccessful. But think of the pictures in the gift shop.
Yeah, hopefully we will never have to execute any of these plans. But better safe than sorry! Do you agree with these choices? Any ideas of other places to hide out from the zombies? Let us know in the comments.
Wisconsin Department of Natural Resources/Flickr
Pros: We don’t believe zombies can operate boats (although that point is debatable if they are Wisconsin zombies). You are on an island, which means you should be able to see from all directions where the zombies are coming from. Because it would take a while to get there, you would have plenty of time to launch an attack plan. The Apostle Islands happen to be gorgeous, so at least while you’re terrified for your life, you can really take in the scenery. There are tons of fish to eat.
Cons: Zombies can swim. It might take them a while, especially if they have to swim and then climb up the rocks, but it can be done. Don’t bet against zombies…historically, it hasn’t worked out so well. Another potential issue is supplies. You have a boat to get back to the mainland, but things will get complicated during the winter when the water freezes over.
Rachel Kramer/Flickr
Pros: We have a pretty good record at home, AMIRITE? Aaron Rodgers will lead the offense, throwing perfectly targeted grenades killing most of the zombies before they even make it to the stadium. Fortunately, zombies don’t run, so this Dom Capers run defense will live to see another season. We can go underground if we need to and run to higher ground if necessary. We also can turn off the heating system on the field in the winter, and make a zombie ice rink. These zombies, who tend to lack coordination, will be sufficiently tripped up. Finally, we have tons of supplies from concessions and the like.
Cons: The frozen tundra could backfire on us, tripping us up and making us easy prey. I also worry about some of us being able to run up the stairs away from the zombies. Hopefully we are all in good conditioning by the time of the apocalypse. It’s also a big stadium with tons of places to hide, which means the likelihood of being ambushed is heightened. Also seeing the zombie onslaught on the big screen could be pretty disturbing.
Patrick Kuhl/Flickr
Pros: Zombies don’t like water. So you should be good on most sides, especially if you could manage to break off the path to the lighthouse somehow. You have a great aerial view of everything going down, so you could theoretically prepare better. Also, you could fish right from the comfort of your pad.
Cons: You’re in a lighthouse. If and when the zombies come to get you, you are pretty much screwed. Yes, there’s only one entrance, but that means that there is only one exit. Hopefully you have a boat ready to jump into if the zombies get you.
Matt Schilders/Flickr
Pros: It’s always a good idea to get on the top of a pretty tall building. Why? Zombies will have a really hard time scaling the outside of the building. We also could put substances on the outside of the building making it supremely difficult to get up. A large building like this will also provide a lot of room for people to set up camp. This building also offers a great 360 view of the city, meaning we could see for miles what is going on around us and plan better.
Cons: You’re in Milwaukee, a large-ish city, which means that people will be infected pretty quickly. So those friends you invite into the U.S. Bank building might turn around and eat you the next day. The other problem is that office buildings tend not to have tons of food. Those vending machines would probably be exhausted within the first day.
Georgia National Guard/Flickr
Pros: This one seems pretty obvious, guys. Go to a military base. Why? Because that’s where all the guns are. And also the people who can shoot the guns. We need snipers, and lots of them. This is the obvious place to go.
Cons: This is a huge area…60,000 acres to be precise. That’s a lot of ground to cover. Plus, supplies are pretty limited. We would definitely have to bring a lot of supplies in and constantly replenish. Also, there is unexploded ordinance like artillery and mortar rounds. This could get the zombies, but could backfire (literally) on us, the living.
Michael Pereckas/Flickr
Pros: You’re not in the thick of the city, which means you probably didn’t get infected. Havenwoods has an interesting history, where it was once used as a prison and military site. Now there are old prison buildings, underground tunnels and a missile site that have been abandoned. This would be a great place to set up shop.
Cons: Because this place was abandoned, there are some severe security issues for preventing zombies from getting in. The first order of business would be to erect some sort of barricade. We would also worry about supplies.
Royal Broil/Flickr
Pros: You’re in Stevens Point, which is away from most of the action. The University has an underground tunnel system, which will come in handy when hiding from zombies. Also, it gets really cold in the winter up there, so hopefully they all freeze to death and we can kill them all before they defrost.
Cons: You’re in the middle of the state, which means you are not by major access points to escape or get aid. Also, these tunnels don’t all connect, which could leave you in a real pickle when faced with a gang of zombies.
Daniel M. Hendricks/Flickr
Pros: It’s an established fact that zombies hate water. So a water park seems like the most logical place to go. Located in Wisconsin Dells, you’ll enjoy great scenery and unlimited fudge. Plus, I’m pretty sure we can all go on the rides for free with no lines. Sounds ideal. Minus the zombies.
Cons: Zombies will terrorize us as we try to enjoy the park. If something goes wrong with the water supply, the park will no longer be a deterrent. We will be walking precariously on these rides, trying to escape, and probably being unsuccessful. But think of the pictures in the gift shop.
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